Pancho’s Notes from “Battle Beyond the Stars”

Howdy, folks!!!

Part of my prep for the B-Movie Review is taking notes while I’m watching the film.  I’ll be the first to admit, this is my vain attempt to pretend I work for Rifftrax or Mystery Science Theater 3000.  (I guy can dream, I guess.)  Anyway, my cohorts think they’re rather amusing, so I’m gonna share them with you.

Enjoy!

  • “A Roger Corman Production” always promises of quality.
  • I see they’re using the Battlestar Galactica font for the credits.
  • Well, the spaceship effects are not completely terrible. I don’t see any string, anyhow.
  • Can’t say the same thing about the interior of the spaceship, though.
  • I’d like a flashing alarm crystal for my home.
  • I’m fighting the urge to wipe whatever that is off John Saxon’s left eye.
  • Same for that mole on John-Boy’s face.
  • The ship trusts John-Boy? Oh, geez.
  • Sentient spaceship named Nell? Who thinks up this stuff?
  • I see Nell has lots of panels with blinking lights and a machine that goes ping!
  • I’ve counted at least four scenes blatantly ripped off from Star Wars and we’re only 10 minutes in.
  • And they’re using Battlestar Galactica sound effects, too. How creative.
  • The spaceship looks like Hammerhead from the Star Wars cantina.
  • We have lens flare! JJ Abrams must have been involved somehow.
  • Nice repurposing of a welders mask.
  • The door opening sound on the space station, doesn’t sound a thing like Darth Vader breathing. Of course not!
  • Yes, John-Boy, the creepy space station guy wants you to fuck his daughter. Is it that hard of a concept?
  • John-Boy’s fuck toy is a terrible actress.
  • It’s bad when the android is less wooden than your leading lady.
  • Dear God! Tell me that is not a Confederate flag on the side of that space ship?
  • And we have space redneck!
  • And he’s high as a kite! Wonderful.
  • I see they have three special effects for this scene.
  • Funny how the peace-loving farm boy from a civilization that only had two spaceships knows what all these hi tech weapons are.
  • Bad actress’ ship is being destroyed by red & blue flashing lens flares! Damn you JJ Abrams!!!
  • We seem to have stumbled into an S&M scene. Might make this film more interesting.
  • Wow! Mention John Saxon’s name & folks fall into line!
  • Nell quotes & disregards this “Varda” thing with reckless abandon
  • John-Boy with a gun is about as threatening as three day old kitten.
  • Being a Nestor must be really boring. And I’m sure painting that eye on every morning must be a pain.
  • It’s the annoying airhead from Newhart! Will the quality of actors in this movie ever stop?!
  • Dial-A-Drug. John-Boy high on crack would be interesting.
  • It’s the Man from Uncle, aka Teenage Caveman!
  • Wow, Robert Vaughn’s face is really crooked.
  • Robert Vaughn: cheapest mercenary in the galaxy!
  • Why don’t you put up the force field, Nell? You were perfectly fine with shooting the laser by yourself.
  • Holy Christ, what the hell is Sybil Danning is wearing?
  • She’s an even worse actress than the other woman.
  • Lizard man is the best actor in this pile of crap.
  • Credit where credit is due, the matte paintings are pretty good.
  • Wow, they didn’t forget any scene from Seven Samurai, did they?
  • The dirt on this planet sure does look like Folger’s Crystals.
  • Wow, this movie could be made into a porno so easy.
  • John-Boy will you just fuck that girl and get it over with, please?
  • Robert Vaughn must have looked back on his own role in The Magnificent Seven and thought to himself, “Wow, my best days are truly behind me”.
  • Cowboy, is it really a good idea to have a device sitting right over your crotch that dispenses liquid of that particular color?
  • A push button firing system? Have these people never heard of a joystick?
  • All these spaceships look alike. I can’t tell who the good guys are.
  • I would think a nuclear missile strike directly to the engine would have made a bigger boom than that.
  • Cowboy takes charge! Let’s hope these guys shoot better than the A-team.
  • For a race of farmers with no weapons, they guys sure do shoot good.
  • The bad guys used some sort of sonic weapon that causes massive ear bleeding. Must have played Justin Bieber at them.
  • Any why exactly does a blind man wander through a battle zone? To poignantly die, I suppose.
  • Sybil Danning’s acting is physically painful to me.
  • And so dies Robert Vaughn! But not to fear, there are cheezy commericals for law firms in his future.
  • If this movie were made 10 years later, I guarantee that Brent Spiner would have been one of the Nestor.
  • Whoa!!! John-Boy just showed an emotion!!!
  • Oh, boy. More awkward romance between John-Boy & whatshername.
  • John-Boy says he’s terrified. You can read it all over his blank, bland face.
  • Down goes Nestor!! Score one for the bad guys!
  • Sybil Danning’s scream would qualify as this episodes stinger. I’ve seen better acting from porn stars. And better fake screaming, too.
  • Lizardman’s name is Cayman. Guess Gator or Croc would have been too obvious.
  • I wonder if it says Space Cowboy on his birth certificate?
  • I guess they’ll have to write “Space Cowboy”on his tombstone since that’s the only name he seems to have.
  • Lizardman’s battle cry is almost as annoying as Justin Bieber. Almost.
  • John-Boy is pissed! You can read it all over his blank, bland face.
  • I thought the only way to deal with those missiles was to outrun them. John-Boy is shooting them down like clay pigeons.
  • Oh, darn! Nell is damaged! Maybe she’ll stop quoting and then ignoring this Varda thing.
  • Reversing the thrusters seems to be the cure to all ills in these movies.
  • And down goes Nell taking John Saxon with her/it. What a waste of time this one was. Think I’ll watch Seven Samurai to atone.

Game Review # 1- Borderlands 2

Today kids I will dip my toe into the murky waters of a video game review. It’s murky because I have never done anything other than the casual “Yeah it is a fun game”. I was never into a lot of the reviews I have read before. Such technical aspects such as being able to see the reflections of water or the shadows of the characters. For me, is it a fun game? Is it worth replaying? How quickly before I totally lose interest.

Now I must add, at my age, I look for different things than a younger game might. I look for a strong story line, a fun game play and I look for anything that is NOT Call of Duty.

Borderlands 2, by 2K software, all in all is a fun game. It is a first person shooter that has some RPG aspects to it. There is character customization, but for me unless I am totally missing it, there is no reason for it. Being a first person shooter, you do not see the character. (Now as of this time, if there is a way to change it to a third person view, I have not seen it. Please forgive me if I have missed it). Not really sure why it is there.

The game play is fun. As with a lot of FPS, there is weapon upgrades, customizations and so forth. The play is smooth and I have had very few lags. (I must mention I have the PS3 version). Movement is smooth and there is a little problem with me controlling the character.

There is online play, but let’s be honest, at 42 I am not gonna go online and get my ass kicked by a 12-year-old. The though of that is depressing and the idea of me actually going online to play a game with a 12-year-old is creepy anyway. So I cannot speak on how bad or good it is. You will have to find out for yourself.

The story is not to be taken to seriously. You are a “vault hunter” who is lured to a planet with promises of riches. This is not the case of course. There is a lot of humour in the game, which I do enjoy. It is a violent game, so if you have kids, you might want to think twice before you let them play. However, if you are my age, go and kill away! There are a ton of side quests in which you get to level up your character. Some of these get tedious over time, but if you are into the flow of the game, you can get into.

Overall, I would say the game is worth renting, but not buying. Now once it lowers to 20 bucks, yeah I would purchase it. $60.00 for a game is ridiculous, but that is for another post!

Take care,

Lefty

Episode 6: Star Wars, Zombies, and a dramatic reading of Thrift Store

Welcome back!  Episode 6 features a discussion of JJ Abrams directing Star Wars, zombies, and Lefty does a dramatic reading of Macklemore’s “Thrift Shop”!

MLCTF Show 6

Our B-Movie review is of Roger Corman’s Battle Beyond the Stars.

More on Episode V

Rando デス!

If you’ve read my posts, you know I love movies. So I feel like a chump for not being more prepared for the Underrated Movies segment of the show. So, here I am to redeem myself.

My picks for underrated movies were The Good, The Bad, The Weird and The Cabin in the Woods. Poncho’s picks were A Face in the Crowd and M. Lefty’s were Miller’s Crossing and The Boondock Saints. Here’s some info on all of them.

The Good The Bad The Weird
Director: Kim Jee-Woon
Starring: Song Kang-Ho, Lee Byung-Hun, Jung Woo-Sung
Original Release Year: 2008
Availability: DVD, Netflix Instant (as of this writing)
Links: IMDB, Wikipedia
Trailer:

The Cabin in the Woods
Director: Drew Goddard
Starring: Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Jesse Williams
Release Year: 2011
Availability: DVD/BD, Netflix rental
Links: IMDB, Wikipedia
Trailer:

A Face in the Crowd
Director: Elia Kazan
Starring: Andy Griffith, Patricia Neal
Release Year: 1957
Availability: DVD
Links: IMDB, Wikipedia
Trailer:

M
Director: Fritz Lang
Starring: Peter Lorre
Release Year: 1931
Availability: DVD/BD, Amazon Instant
Links: IMDB, Wikipedia
Trailer:

Miller’s Crossing
Director: Joel Cohen
Starring: Gabriel Byrne, Marcia Gay Harden, John Tuturro
Release Year: 1990
Availability: DVD/BD, Netflix instant
Links: IMDB, Wikipedia
Trailer:

The Boondock Saints
Director: Troy Duffy
Starring: Willem Dafoe, Sean Patrick Flanery, Billy Connolly
Release Year: 1999
Availability: DVD/BD, Amazon Instant
Links: IMDB, Wikipedia
Trailer:

And there you have it. Check ’em out. You’ll be glad you did! And don’t forget to check out our show #5!

Rando!

We’re almost a month into 2013 and so far I’m not very happy at how it’s gone.

I began the year unemployed, having been laid off two weeks before Christmas.  On New Year’s Eve, after being sick for more than a week during the holiday, I finally went to the doctor to be told I had the flu.  I got really sick after that.  Finally over it, but I’ve been fighting sinus headaches ever since.

In addition, a good friend of mine from college was hospitalized with kidney disease.  He will have to have dialysis for the rest of his life now.  He’s one of the nicest people in the world and doesn’t deserve to go through this.

Tonight, I discovered that another good friend was told the lump she had removed from her breast is cancerous.  They caught it early, but it’s still not something you want to hear.

This has been what I’ve dealt with so far this year.  And it’s not even February.

Over 40 and I love video games

There I admitted it. I do love them. I have been playing them for over 20 years now and I haven’t grown tired of them yet! I started this relationship with my first video game system, an Atari. It was amazing to 12 year old me. The graphics were shit but it opened a new world for me. I played games all the time. Back in those days, you could just turn down the volume to the game and listen to music while you played. I miss that! Then down the road, I boght a Commodore 64. That was just as cool to me. I loved the games, even though they were nothing compared to the ones today, there was still a charm to them.

These days, well it is a little different. The games are more complex, the graphics just blow you away and there is so much choice out there. It is hard to decide what is the right game to play. They are not cheap either. 60 bucks for your standard 360 and PS3 game. So I decided to start up a little review segment here on the blog. It will cover the games I am playing and the games I have played. Just to give you and idea on what I like and what I think yo guys out there in cyberspace might like as well.

So be on the look out in the next few days for my first review!

For your viewing pleasure:

Take care,

Lefty

For the love of Anime

Rando here.

I’m a 42 year old man who loves cartoons. There, I said it. I think that animation is an important art form and is vital for some stories. There are some things that just cannot be conveyed in a live-action medium. The mind simply cannot accept something so realistic and yet so artificial at the same time. Enter animation.

Here are a few series and movies that I thing are worth your attention. This will range from the silly to the dramatic, so hang on!

1) The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi
This is a very interesting show about a time-travaler, an alien, an esper, a normal boy, and, for lack of a better term– a god. The god (well… goddess, really) character is looking for something extraordinary in her life. Something like the existence of espers, aliens, and time-travelers. Everyone but the boy has been sent to observe the goddess (Suzumiya Haruhi). The boy (Kyon) knows everything, Suzumiya knows nothing about the true natures of the others, believing them to all be fellow students. Here is the story of 4 very special people and a normal boy with a dry wit trying to cope with it all.

2) Utawarerumono
Wow, this is a really good dramatic fantasy piece. A man with no name and no past awakes to find himself in the care of a kind woman he does not know. He wears a mask that neither he nor anyone else can remove. All the people around him are anthropomorphic animals. The setting appears to be in feudal times. This world has magic, demons, corrupt emperors, and a shocking secret. This man works with the villagers who have saved him and together, they share a chequered life.

3) RahXephon
Pronounced Rah-Ze-Fon. How to describe it? In short, it’s like Neon Genesis Evangelion, but easier to understand. The “Angel” characters designs are all based on ancient idols and fetishes. It makes for a visually stunning piece of work. Also, it’s very dramatic with great acting (from the original Japanese actors) and lush characters. Check it out! You’ll be glad you did.

4) Read or Die
It’s the library secret service. Just watch the opening below. It’s an adventure series about a paper-user, a woman who can phase through solid objects (think Kitty Pryde, but sexy and deadly) and a commando.

5) Summer Wars
This is a title I was hoping would get an Oscar nomination. It’s a fun movie with good characters that you can emote and root for. A math whiz gets roped into playing the fiancée of a popular girl in school. He has to meet her family and pretend to fulfil the girls need to please her elderly grandmother. Hilarity and adventure ensue when a rogue AI program assimilates the main global online social network (which also controls much of the real serivces and technology of their lives) and tries to kill the entire family.

That could never happen, could it, Facebook? 😉

Well, there’s a lot more. But I’m going to save them for future posts. So give these a try. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Stay tuned for more!

Rando!