Show Notes for The Human Tornado

If you simply must put yourself through the torture of watching this film, here’s my guide to expect.

  • Let the funkiness begin!!!
  • I hear that Dolomite’s one bad mother… Wait! Wrong movie!
  • Jerry Jones is in this movie! I’d always wondered where he got the money to buy the Dallas Cowboys.
  • And he wrote the screen play!
  • I’m waiting for Fred & Grady to show up in this opening scene.
  • That’s one serious booty shaking there!
  • Is this an action film for a stand-up comedy routine?
  • STOP IT WITH THE JUMP CUTS!!! I’M GETTING WHIPLASH!
  • The movie so far: bad jokes, jump cuts, wardrobe changes, and booty shaking. Where will it go from here?
  • We have white woman!!
  • And now she’s naked!
  • Oh, dear God. I’m assuming at this point every white person in the film is going to be a stereotypically cracker.
  • And one of them’s even named Jethro.
  • The decal on the cop car looks like it’s made of cardboard.
  • Was not expecting to see Dolomite doing a nude scene. And rolling down hill naked, too
  • They cranked up the film speed for the chase scene. Seriously.
  • Caught a glimpse of the Hollywood sign. Only thought redneck cops of this variety only existed south of the Mason-Dixon.
  • One shotgun blast = two cars exploding.
  • Dolomite says they’re gonna run to California. They’re already in California!!!
  • First use of the word “honkey” 20min. In!
  • Now they’re kidnapping a gay white guy and stealing his car. Please don’t let this guy be the comedy relief!
  • Fat woman sitting on a toilet. Something else I didn’t expect to see.
  • I didn’t expect such un-funky music scenes.
  • Ok, that’s better. What any of this has to do with the “plot” is beyond me.
  • We got boobies!! White woman boobies! That’s two sets so far!
  • Make that three sets.
  • What in the name of God is going on here?
  • Whoa!! I just recognized Ernie Hudson! Didn’t think he was ever this young!
  • They didn’t actually have a script for this movie did they? I’m convinced they’re just making this shit up.
  • Second honkey reference at 39min!!
  • I’m waiting for Sly Stone to show up.
  • Now we’ve wandered into an S&M film. Least I don’t expect a plot in one of those.
  • Dolomite’s suit looks like it was made from fabric store remnants.
  • Four sets!! CORRECTION! Make that full frontal!
  • And they’re working out on the bed. Naked. No, not fucking, actually working out. Naked.
  • OK, now they’re fucking.
  • Oh, boy! Redneck sheriff is still alive!
  • Of course the detective’s vacation started two hours ago. I’ll bet he’s two weeks from retirement, too.
  • Queen Bee has a push button phone! That was the height of ’70’s telephone technology.
  • Dolomite conducts seriously negotiations with Tyrone Biggums.
  • So, the bad guy’s wife is a nympho? Bet I know where this is headed.
  • What the ever lasting fuck is going on here? It’s like we’ve wandered into the dream sequence from Twin Peaks!
  • OK, I’ll admit, I didn’t expect that.
  • I love how Queen Bee has a token white girl.
  • Well, our real life martial arts expert has shown up. The bodies ought to start piling up soon.
  • And they sped up the fight scenes too. Jesus.
  • Either Dolomite is making karate sound effects or having a stroke. Hard to figure which.
  • Meanwhile, back in the bondage film…
  • “Don’t touch me! There’s a live grenade between my legs”
  • If the girls were such bad asses, how did they end up in that S&M film?
  • OK. There’s a white guy in a speedo wielding nunchucks. You just can’t make this shit up!
  • Something is happening here, but I’m not sure what.
  • Looks like the massive, movie-ending fight is starting. Strap in everyone!
  • 1hr 23min in before the martial arts guy does anything. Pretty sad.
  • Ernie Hudson is kicking ass at least!
  • Looks like Dolomite is having a stroke again.
  • Red shag carpet just screams the ’70’s!
  • Muhammed Ali could teach Dolomite a thing or two about poetry.
  • Again, stuff is happening, but I can’t figure out what.
  • Wow. That ending made no sense at all.

Video Game Review – Far Cry 3 – Pt. 1

Hello folks! Today I am going to try something new with my video game review. I am going to review his game in stages. These days it is harder for me to sit down and have some solid playing time for my video games. So I try to steal as much time as I can for them. This being the case, I thought, “why not do a step by step review of the game while tracking my progress.” I think it might be a little more interesting than a traditional review , plus it gives me a chance to get a real feel for the game while I tell you guys about it. That being said, here we go.

At first there is a medium length introduction to your character and his situation. He is a rich college kid who gets stuck in this horrible situation with his brother and friends. I will try not to give away any spoilers or too much of the game plot as I go, but it might not be able to be helped depending on the situation. Your character starts out as this greenhorn and from what I can tell so far, he will become this grizzled hard-core soldier. One gets the feeling your character will develop and obviously you will get new skills and weapons as you go, but I am really hoping for a growth in the personality of the character as well. That is lacking in a lot of games. Typically you start out as a Mr. Bad-Ass and you just turn into a bigger bad ass by the end of the game. Hopefully there will be a little more offered with this game.

I have only played about 3 hours so far and it is pretty fun for the most part. There are a ton of side quest (As usual) and of course this develops your character. The main story lie focuses on you rescuing your friends from this island gang that has kidnapped them. It is a free form world. You can walk all around and there is plenty of detail in the surroundings and in the characters. The game play feels solid, the moment is fluid and there is a lot to explore. So far so good!

Not sure how soon, but I will add another part to this review as soon as I can put together a few more hours of play time in this. Drop me a line and let me know how I am doing!

Good luck and happy gaming!

Lefty

Episode #9 – Current events, celebrities in surprising, and a review of “The Human Tornado”

We’re back!!  New content, ahoy!!!

MLCTF Show 9

This week’s B-Movie Review is the Dolomite film, “The Human Tornado”.  It’s bad, bad, bad!!!  Here’s a taste (NSFW):

Outtakes #1: The unedited dramatic reading of “Thrift Shop”

No new episode this week, unfortunately.  Rando caught whatever bug is going around and wasn’t up for recording.  He’s better now, so we should be back on track this week.

In the meantime, enjoy the unedited version of Lefty’s dramatic reading of Macklemore’s magnum opus, “Thrift Shop.”

MLCTF thrift store uncut

And for those that want to follow along at home:

Oscar Scores…

So here’s how we did this year:

Lefty: 2/5 (40%)

Rando: 2/7 (29%)

Pancho: 4/5 (80%)

So the winner is: Pancho!

Congrats. This post will be suitable for framing!

I have to say that I was genuinely surprised that Lincoln didn’t walk away with more. Same for Silver Linings Playbook. I’m pretty cynical about the academy. Couple that with the fact that, as of this post, I’ve only seen Django Unchained, and there you have my excuse.

And, yes, I didn’t watch the telecast. I watched a special on BBC America profiling Patrick Troughton, the second Doctor Who as well as the follow-up telecast of Tomb of the Cybermen.

I guarantee it was better than the Oscars.

Rando!

Pancho’s totally pointless Oscar predictions

I haven’t seen any of these films either, but here’s my random guesses at who’s going to win:

Best Picture:  Past experience tells me Lincoln, but Argo has been cleaning up at the other award ceremonies, so I’m going to go with it.  If it loses, I’d expect controversy.

Best Director: This typically goes to the director of the film that wins Best Picture.  Argo‘s director isn’t up for it, so this could be Steven Spielberg’s to lose.  However, my gut tells me it’ll be Ang Lee for Life of Pi, which might erase all the damage he did to his reputation with that Incredible Hulk fiasco.

Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis is a lock for this one.

Best Actress: I don’t know about this one.  I’d love to see the young girl Quvenzhané Wallis from Beasts of the Southern Wild win this, but it probably won’t happen.  I’m gonna go with Naomi Watts cause she’s the most recognized name.

Best Makeup and Hair Styling: Seriously, they give an award for this?!  I’m going with Lisa Westcott and Julie Dartnell of Les Miserables just cause.  Good luck, ladies!!

New Anime I’ve Been Watching

子日は、皆さん!　ランドです。

It’s time for another anime roundup! I’ve been getting more new DVDs and BDs than I should, so here’s some highlights.

Ground Control to Psychoelectric Girl (Denpa Onna to Seishun Otoko)
This is a really interesting show. I glad of that, because I bought it based on that cool title alone. Ignore the show description from the online retailers. It’s a character piece more than anything. But the characters and situations are enjoyable. It’s a light piece, so there’s really nothing as emotionally involving as NGE. It’s still good and worth checking out.
It has one of the most trippy openings I’ve seen in a while.

Tiger & Bunny
It’s like a buddy-cop story, but with superheroes.
In this futuristic setting, There are normal people and there are NEXT who have extranormal powers and abilities. Some of these NEXT have become heroes. Businesses have capitalized on them by becoming their sponsors. They even have a TV show called “Hero TV Live” and a game-show style point system and award show. Yeah, it’s a bit like the Mystery Men movie in some regard.
The show follows two heroes: Wild Tiger and a second who has decided to act under his own name: Barnaby Brooks Jr. They both have the same powers, but Tiger is the veteran, while Barnaby is the young and popular new guy. As these things go, they have been paired together with Tiger as the “sidekick”. So they have to learn to get along, uphold justice, and make their sponsors look good.
It’s a very visually striking show. All cultures and races are blended almost seemlessly in the setting. The character design and setting design have a lot of Western influence.
Check out the opening:

Qwaser of Stigmata (Seikon no Qwaser)
How to describe this show… Maybe this will help:

Well, it’s a show about alchemists looking for some sort of holy relic. Oh, and they “power up” by suckling breasts. It’s practically a hentai show with all of the nudity and sexuality, but without the gratuitous depictions of penetration.
I have to make myself watch it. Really.

That’s all for now. Hope you enjoy some of these. You can find them all at RightStuf or Anime Corner Store.

Rando!

My bologna has a second name… it’s still O-S-C-A-R

Rando デス！

So, as you should know by now, we at the Midlife Crisis Taskforce really like movies. So here’s my Oscar predictions. You should know I’ve seen pitifully few of these movies.

Best Picture:
I think it will go to Lincoln. There’s so much hype behind it and it’s a Spielberg film. I think that will sway the academy. In my fantasies, it’s Django Unchained.

Best Actor:
Hmmm… It could also go to Daniel Day Lewis. But I’m going to say Bradley Cooper. Dramatic portrayals of broken people usually rally the academy. I’ve got no personal favorite here.

Best Actress:
This is a tricky one, but I think it will go to Jennifer Lawrence for the same reason I think Bradley Cooper will get Best Actor. Again, no favorite here

Best Supporting Actor:
My want is for Cristoph Waltz to get it again. I think it’ll go to Phillip Seymour Hoffman because– it’s Phillip Seymour Hoffman!

Best Supporting Actress:
Wow, I think this is going to be a toss-up between Sally Field and Anne Hathaway. But, I’m going to go with Sally Field because it’s Lincoln and everyone already knows what she went through to get the part. If I have any favorite here, it’s Anne Hathaway because I like to look at her. 8)

Best Director:
They’ll give it to Spielberg. No favorite here.

Best Original Song:
I think it’ll be Skyfall. Get ready to be beaten to death by Adele again. I mean, I like her voice– she definitely has the talent. I’m just tired of hearing her same songs every-freaking-where I go. Her aural saturation levels are eclipsing Michael Buble.

So that’s it. These are my predictions. We’ll see how well or poorly I did next week. I mean, I don’t intend to watch the Oscar telecast. It really is one of the most boring 4 hours of Hollywood masturbation they’ll produce. I’m glad this only happens once a year.

No. I’ll be watching Doctor Who on BBC America, thank you very much.

Take Care!

Rando!

My Bolonga has a first name it’s O-S-C-A-R-S

That’s right kids, it is Oscar time. That special time of year when Hollywood gives itself a giant pat on the back and fills itself with self-congratulatory punch. If they were not full of self-importance before, these award shows lets them show their stuff for real. From brain draining red carpet interviews to the thank you speeches, there is enough dreck there to fill the Grand Canyon. On this note, let me start with my Oscar picks 🙂

Best Picture- I will be honest, I haven’t seen any of these movies this year. The older I get the less I like going to the movies. These films I am sure have their merit, but let’s be honest, if I never saw any of them, would I really be missing anything? No, I don’t think so. Since Rando and Pancho are picking their winners, I will say that Les Miseables will probably win. Although Life of Pi apparently features a tiger on a boat…that is pretty cool I suppose 🙂

Best Actor- Well this one is a toss-up I think. In the end I think the award goes to Daniel Day-Lewis for his portrayal of the Five dollar bill.

Best Actress- Well the only actress I have actually heard of in this group is Naomi Watts, so let’s just go with her for the sake of argument.

Best Director- I think Spielberg can add this years Oscars to his list of accomplishments. Just a feeling. Lincoln got a lot of hype, even though in this one he didn’t kill any vampires. I guess being historically accurate means something these days?

Best Original Song- Well since they really cut out a lot of awards this year, I choose this one as my totally random pick. I wish they had best Grip or even Best assistant to such and such star, but they don’t. I will go with Adele for her theme from “Skyfall”. Haven’t heard that song…but people are ape shit about Adele, so I am going with that.

Well there they are folks, my Oscar picks. Lets take them for what they are, a not so serious look at a subject that is not serious at all.

Take Care,

Lefty