Nothing of Consequence

I guess that time together was all for naught.
I wanted to be in your heart but that was not to be.
Whispers in the beginning
Screams in the end.
The same song repeated over and over
Both of us looking into each other and feeling nothing.

Nothing of consequence, 
Nothing left but wisps of smoke
Of a fire that burned bright.
All that love, was it all wasted?
All the happiness we tasted
Is spoiled and left to finally die.

Random Poem

When the little white lie is "I love you"
And the lies never seems to end,
Reach out for arms you can trust
Reach out to the lover who is now a friend.

When the cold wind keeps pushing you back
And the sun is nowhere in sight,
Your shelter is waiting right next to me,
We will get through the desolate and lonely night.

Your heart is broken and your soul it torn
You look into the mirror and wish you were never born.
Know there is will be someone who will take you in.
No judgement, no questions
Time has not changed anything I feel.

When you are bitter and spiteful
Over the one who has done you wrong,
Lay your yesterdays down
Knowing that tomorrow was there all along.

These are the Days…

Hello all. I hope everyone is doing well tonight. Feeling a little reflective, tired, mad and frustrated. What’s started me down this path of fractured glass and shaky emotions? Well I guess it’s because I am 49, living in the Midwest and just not sure where I am going or where I have been. Now I know you’re thinking, “here he goes again wah-wah-wah my life is horrible. That’s not the case. I know I have it pretty good and I am very lucky in a lot of ways. I make a decent living, I do not have to scrounge for my next meal, I have a warm bed at night and I have more friends than enemies. Many people cannot say that.

Where to begin? I suppose I need to start at the focal point of my anger and frustration: my job. I am sure most of you, if not all are in jobs you hate and my issues are no different than your day to day struggles. You would be correct. I am just adding my voice to the choir. Nothing really new except my concept of work is changing. I suppose you could say I am becoming more of a socialist the older I get. I see everyone working their collective asses off and it’s only to the benefit of the select few. Plus what I do is pointless. I am part of the machine. A drone just being directed around to shuffle paper and to wait for my check every two weeks. It is a soulless existence. We all spend more time at work every week than we do with our families. It draws out our strength. It’s the salt and we are the slug. There is nothing left to me on Friday but a husk that already dreads Monday morning. I know that there are more back breaking job and people are working 2 or 3 or even 4 jobs to just trying to break even. That’s not a life either. I am sure this is a self defeating attitude and I am sure a lot of it can be blamed on my depression. That is always the iron weight pulling me down into the water. We were meant for more than this. People are meant to create, learn, live, explore and enjoy life. If I sound lazy, yes I admit I am. I hate working. I hate that I have to work. I make no secret of it. I don’t know maybe I am just a rambling old man. I just wish things were different, but I am sure you all do as well.

Enough of that self pity party. I just needed to get he words out. I am actually less poisonous and angry now that I re-read this. I mean I didn’t even use the phrase “those fuckers” when I talked about work. Maybe I am mellowing out some as I sit here and type and sip my tea. So this is a short post tonight. I needed to get some words out and to make myself post. I am trying to make it a habit, not a daily one, not yet at least.

I hope everyone has a nice evening and hang in there. Things will have to get better eventually!

2020 the Year of More Blog Posts?

Good morning everyone! It has been quite a while since I posted anything up here. Been having some depression issues and just drained from my job to do anything other than stare blankly at the TV when I get home. I am hoping to start up this thing again and try to post as regularly as possible. I have a new computer now and I have a great space for writing now, so I am hoping that will get me on here more.

Honestly not much has happened during my hiatus. My job still is a soul sucking vampire and I am trying like hell to get out of there. My depression is another matter. It is a lead weight that is always there preventing me from doing anything fun or evening enjoying anything. I am more or less a zombie. I get up and go to work, so at least I am not like the unfortunate sufferers who cannot even get out of bed. Right now there is no joy and nothing I really enjoy. So I am going to use this blog to express feelings, ideas, poetry, and some pop culture fun. I think I was always worried too much about this blog having a focus. If I just write what’s on my mind, I think that will work better than trying to confine myself into some sort of “label”.

So here we go again! I hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Take care!

I’m Still Here..Sort of

Hello all! Sorry it’s been so long since my last post. It’s been a combination of laziness and depression. I have had a more active posting life on Twitter recently. I am just in a funk with life right now. Not much excitement with me at the present. Been playing some video games, watching movies, the normal routine. Work has been a little more soul sucking that normal. We had some layoffs and there is a lot of tension in the air. Hopefully things will settle down soon.

Sorry for the short post. I’m just getting myself back in the game. There will be more to come!

Take care.

Lacking Focus…Oh Look a Butterfly

Good evening all! I hope everyone is doing well. I know it has been a while since my last post. My hiatus has been more about laziness and my lack direction. Lately I can’t seem to muster up enough concentration for more than 5 minutes at a time on anything. About the only thing lately I have spending any lengthy amount of time on is video games I think that is because I can just do that without any real focus, just plug and play so to speak.

I have been thinking a lot about what I want to say, what I want this blog to represent. Do I want it to be another pop culture source? Snarky reviews of bad movies, music I like or television? Do I want it to be a place to showcase my writing as far as my poetry goes or maybe the occasional short story? Do I want it to be political or just an observer’s view of the world around me. I have read a few articles concerning blogs and they state that you need to be focusing on a subject, some sort of goal to work towards. I suppose that is true. I have been reading a lot of blog posts and there are some fine writers that just write about everything. I really envy just having the drive to do this every day. I know very few people read my posts and that is fine. I am not looking to make money from this or to have any recognition. It is meant to be a therapy for me. My depression has been a strong influencer in my life for the past 20 plus years. I am not making an excuse, but it is there. I can’t hide from it. Some days are worse than others. Lately it has been worse than normal. There is something inside of me holding back and making me not write like I want. I have discussed that before with my music in previous posts. It’s making myself do this and once I start writing, I do tend to find I can ramble on for quite a while.

I have these brief moments of creativity during the day. I think of a subject that would make a good blog post, but yet I don’t write about it later. I shrug it off at times and just blame it on being tired after a long work day. Nothing kills creativity and the willingness to write for me than real life. I have really guided myself into thinking these pursuits are not worth it. It brings no monetary value, then why do it? That is with anything. A mortgage, light bill, water bill, credit cards, etc…these things have killed the creative person in me. It’s probably more likely that I have killed that person slowly over the years. I am trying to plant those seeds again. It is hard some days. I am working on fighting my depression. I am working on just trying to find myself again after all these years. The focus is hard to come by. The concentration is harder to find, but I am working on it. I know I will never be some great writer, but I do want my voice out there. I suppose it’s vanity, some of it is my small portion of immortality, maybe it just the only way I can be myself.

So be patient with me and I will do my best to get out here and write more. It will come, but I am sure it will be slow and it will be all over the place. Now with that I need to go chase some butterflies.

Take care!

What is Poetry?

Hello all! I hope everyone is doing well tonight. I thought I would try my hand at defining what poetry is and means to me. Since I have been blogging again, I have had a chance to read and follow some really talented writers. Each have their own styles, ideas and motivations. By motivations, I just mean what drives them to write. For me, it’s the need to get emotions and words out I could not speak aloud. I know my poetry is simple, there are not any word tricks or clever ideas that have hidden meanings. That is not me. I have written things like that in the past, but they are not very good and just kind of meander. My poetry tends to rhyme. I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but it fits my style. I am more influence by my music heroes more than traditional poets. That is where the rhyming comes in. Sometimes the hardest part of that is to not make it sound forced. It does limit me I suppose, but I think with the themes and ideas I write about it fits.

For me poetry only needs two things to feel organic and real. It has to be honest and it has to have meaning for the writer. The honesty can be felt, especially when one writes about the sad or bad times one has. I can see that in a lot of people’s poetry I read. You have to be honest with yourself when you write. You have to make yourself feel before you can make others feel. That is where the honesty comes in. Just bare yourself with your words. It’s therapeutic and it can make you see things in a different light. It opens you up and exposes yourself to your readers. That’s scary, but I think it is part of writing poetry. (Now I want to take a quick minute to say, I am not a poetry expert. I do not know the technical aspects of writing poetry nor any writing tricks to make it better. I just go off of what I feel and what is on my mind at the time). Poetry is personal. You do not have to be a professional to write your feelings. Your personal experiences are unique to you. Write them out. I say this to encourage people to write. Don’t be afraid to be criticized because you will be. Just write with your heart. Someone may tell you your poetry doesn’t fall into a traditional form, but that doesn’t matter. This writing for you. If you want to share your emotions and feelings, I don’t think anyone can really criticize you if you’re honest. Too many people are held back because some “experts” tell them they are not any good. Do not let that stop you. We need more people to write from their heart. Now this is all my opinion and I am sure a lot will not agree. If I can just influence one person to write and to feel good that they did it, that will make this all worth it.

Now after all of that, I think it is only fair of me to share another of my poems. This is another old one. No title, per usual with me, but it is very personal to me. I wrote this a couple of years after my mother died. I wish I could have shared it with her, but she died when I was young and I was not really sharing anything with anyone at that time. Feel free to let me know what you think. Send me a tweet! I am @MLCTaskforce.

Another year has gone by with you not here,
I can't believe just how fast time does fly.
I wish you were here to see what I've become,
I hope you can see me, looking down from the pale sky...

I should have told you I loved you more,
You deserved for all of your dreams to have come true.
Stolen from this life you loved so quickly,
The time for your celebration is long overdue.

Today I celebrate your life and all it brought everyone,
Today I cry those tears I've held in for so long.
Oh how I wish I could hug you just one more time,
And tell you just where in my heart you belong.

I stare looking into the distance, I can feel you near.
The breeze is your whisper in my childish ear.
Why are you gone when I need you these days
To guide me through all of my desperate way

Please forgive all the times I was so terrible,
I didn't mean to hurt you in any way.
Mine was the crime of selfish youth,
I just wish I could tell you all these things today.

And as I walk on down the road you made,
I can understand that there was once a love so true.
Never will I forget the things you have given me,
For those things, I will always love you...

I hope you enjoyed my post and my poem. Take care all! I will be writing again soon.

Wednesday…that’s all I Have

Hello all. Hope everyone is doing well and had a nice long holiday weekend. I know I’m a few days late posting, but honestly not much is happening. I am still floundering when it comes to the direction of this blog. I’ve honestly been more active on Twitter as of late. I gave definitely gone more political on Twitter. I think it’s good to have voices out there coming together as one to fight all of the bad in the world. Discussion is the seed in which action grows. I hope to meet some more interesting people, learn more about people I didn’t know before and just keep a positive vibe on everything. So this is all tonight. If you would like, follow me on Twitter @MLCTaskforce. Take care and I promise more material soon.

Let’s Have Some Fun-My Top 5 Albums

Good evening all! I hope everyone is doing OK tonight. It’s Almost Wednesday, so that’s a good thing. I wanted to do something I have not done in awhile, talk about music. I mentioned along time ago, I love music and I am trying to listen more than I used to. I wanted to just give you guys a small taste of some of the music I listen to. Everyone loves lists, so I figured this is the way to go! I imagine most will find these albums boring, especially any younger readers who happen upon this. I am not saying these are the best albums ever made, but these are my “go to” albums, depending on my mood. I used to be a really terrible music snob. I have definitely mellowed over the years. It’s not for me to judge or say that my music is better than your music. It doesn’t matter. You like what you like and I like what I like and life goes on. With that, here we go!

Number 5: Jethro Tull The Broadsword and the Beast.

Now this album is probably not a fan favorite, but it was one of my first exposures to Jethro Tull and I instantly fell in love with it. The album is during a short phase where their music was a heavy mix of keyboards and did not have the traditional “Tull” sound, however the essence is there. It is a mixture of songs dealing with politics, love and the changing times. English folk is there, but the sound is more electronic not as organic as previous albums such as “Heavy Horses” and “Songs from the Wood”. This is an album I can get lost in. Ian Anderson’s voice is on point and the songs flow together nicely. There is definitely a nostalgia factor with this, since it goes back to middle school where I first heard it.

Number 4: Pink Floyd- Wish You Here

Now there is not much I can say about this album that hasn’t been said before. It is my favorite Pink Floyd Album. Way back when I used to have a homemade cassette tape with this on one side and “Dark Side of the Moon” on the other. I can’t even begin to know how many hours I would sit in the dark listening to those. This is a very laid back album. It is another one you can put on and escape in.

Number 3 Van Morrison- Avalon Sunset

This album has a lot of sentimental value to me. It takes me back to a certain time in my life where I was in love with someone I thought was very special at the time. It is also one that inspired me to write a lot of poetry and it is a joy to listen to. This was somewhat of a “comeback” album for Van. I know that “Whenever God Shines His Light” got radio play of some adult contemporary radio stations. It’s funny how music can take you back. This album does it so well. The songs explore, love, spirituality and long summer nights spent with someone you love. I have to mention one outstanding track for me. “Orangefield”, that song always takes me back to that special person. It is a bittersweet memory, but I think eventually all memories become bittersweet.

Number 2 The Rolling Stones- Exile on Main Street

This album has been played by me so many times over the years. This to me is the best album the Stones ever made. I know critics all say that, but there is a reason for it. This album is a perfect mix or rock, blues, country and everything that made the Stones great. They never topped this album. They never could. It’s a complete album, Put it on and let it play through, but you have to play it loud! Get the remaster, it is well worth it. I love the Stones and this album is the reason why. For me when I think of a “classic rock” album, Exile is it.

Number 1 Jackson Browne – Late for the Sky

I have to confess, this album is an all out nostalgia attack for me. So many songs fit the way I was feeling when I was in my 20’s. The songs seem to flow parallel with my life at the time. This is my rainy day album. It is for when I want to look back and just remember some special times and friends. Songs of lost love and friends, of misunderstanding of feelings. It is another laid back album, two upbeat songs and the rest ballads. The album is like a long lost friend that you rediscover and realize again what you loved about them. It’s worth a listen to.

Now I would be amiss if I didn’t add a couple of honorable mentions to this list. These albums also got played to death when I was younger and now as well. It was hard not to add these, but I really just wanted to do a top 5 for now.

Honorable Mention- Stevie Nicks- Bella Donna

Well, this album holds a very special place in my heart. It was the first CD I ever owned. I had the actual album before it. I love Stevie Nicks. She is amazing. Total disclosure, I had and still have the biggest crush on her. Her music spoke to me at a young age. I guess it was the romantic in me. Loving someone the way she must have and to have it come out in her music always moved me. I will always be a fan. Please give this one a listen. I do not think you will regret it.

Honorable Mention – The Kinks- Muswell Hillbillies

This album is a really well crafted album by a band that had already had a list of hits behind them. This is just a fun listen. It talks about various subjects as modern life and the stress involved, going home, the English love for tea. It is not really a concept album as their previous albums were, but more a collection of songs with similar themes and feelings. When I first listened to this album, I know I played it at least three times in a row. I love the Kinks and this is one of their best.

So there you have it! Here are some of my favorite albums. It’s not really a hodgepodge of different styles and such, but these albums have a lot of meaning to me. I hope you take a chance and listen to one. Might not be your cup of tea and I get that. If you do happen to listen to one, please let me know!

Take care!

In Support of Millennials

Good evening everyone! I hope everyone has had a great week so far. Tomorrow is Friday and that’s not a bad thing at all. I wanted to talk about something different tonight. This week I have been reading and actually seeing in my job a bias against millennials. I mean a lot of negative things. “Millennials are entitled, spoiled, lazy”. I have heard and read it all this week. I don’t understand it. These young people are our future. I don’t see all of these negative traits. I see people who are passionate about their world, their politics and life. Work is not their first priority nor should it be. I have played the company game ever since I was 24 and I followed the rules and did what I was told and I am just a little better off than when I started. These young people can see through the corporate bullshit and know life isn’t work. Life is everything except work. Work is there to pay bills. If you have a job you’re passionate about, that is awesome. Hard work can be good, especially if it involves bettering society as a whole. Millennials are smart enough to question the status quo. Change cannot happen without it.

Look at life from their eyes. Fresh out of college they start out drowning in debt. The job market is insane. Companies want an incredible amount of education for bad underpaying jobs. They are finding their way and all they seem to face is the criticism from older generations. This is not the America of 50 years ago. One cannot just have a single income home, buy a house, a car or take a vacation. Millennials do have it harder I believe. The real problem is us. By us I mean anyone older than this generation. A lot of people have the attitude of “I got mine so fuck you” or “I had to go through all of this, so should you”. Why should they? Why should they fall for the same trappings of life that we have? Consumerism has plagued us. Not just in general shopping, but also in the image of what people believe life “should” be. You need to be married, have kids and be ready for life all by the time you’re 25. There is a tremendous amount of external pressures put on them. They resist. We haven’t. We gave it all for the “American dream”. So we can sit in front of our TVs after work and forget everything else that is going on in the world. Millennials see the bigger picture. They know the world is dying from climate change. They see the hatred and the racism that older generations have brought on to the earth. Millennials have a conscious and they worry more about the future of the world than anyone older than them.

Millennials face challenges that were not there 25 years ago. Social media has made the world more open to us all, but it also has open the doors for hateful people looking to make others miserable. There is more of an openness about issues such as gay and trans acceptance. (Although I really don’t like the term acceptance, it seems to have negative connotations behind it. Just let people live their life. Try to understand and love them unconditionally). Social medial has brought the ability for gay and trans people to express their feelings and let everyone know what hey are going through. That is excellent; however, it also brings out the trolls and the idiots who find pleasure in making fun of an issue they could never understand. It’s nobody’s business how you identify yourself. You are who you are. I do not understand how in this day and age that there is still so much hatred about a person who the world doesn’t see as “normal”. There is no normal. What is there are billions of people on this planet that are just trying to survive. If any person can find happiness and a feeling of peace within themselves, let them have it. We have no right to deny that. I might not understand it all myself, but I want to learn. I am a 48 year old married man, no one special, but I want to know what makes us tick as people. I truly hope one day that this will be a non-issue and people can live their lives the way they want to.

This has been on my mind all week. I hear my peers just off handily say that Millennials are lazy. They do not see the world the way it is. What I say to that is they are trying to mold the world into a better place. The world does not have to be the way it is, it can be changed and I believe Millennials and future generations will do just that. I wish them all the luck in the world.

Take care!