I AM BACK.

Hello all! it has been a bit since I last posted. been fighting off a sinus infection and I just did not feel like getting on and posting much. Not a lot going on lately other than being sick. That said, I am going to post a few of my poems tonight. I know there are a couple of you out there that read my blog and I’d like to know what you think. I am not one to use a lot word tricks or anything really clever, it is just basic emotions I have put down on paper over the years that happen to rhyme. So I will submit these now and I will get back to blogging more consistently.

The first one here is call “Moments”. I don’t usually title anything I write, but I felt this needed something. I wrote this many years ago when I was in college.

A Dream
A Sigh
A Wave good-bye

A Touch
A Kiss
A Moment of Bliss


A Spark
A Fire
A Tremble of Desire

A Hug
A Grin
A Quick thought of sin


A Hope
A Tear
A Sudden rush of fear...

You see, it is a simple poem, but I do think it says a bit about how and what we can experience, especially with that certain someone. A lot of my poems back in my younger days were about lost love, yearning, longing for that one true love. I suppose a lot of young men feel the same way. I had this jumble of emotions and confusion in myself and I wasn’t sure how to express it other than in my poetry.

Now this next one is also about love. It is what I thought the ideal love would be like. It’s very idealistic and probably not based in reality, but that is the great thing about love; it doesn’t have to make sense. It is called “Love is”.

Love is just one moment in time; yet it lasts forever.
Love is when two people meet and they realize that the other is the one.
Love is holding hands and stolen kisses on a long summer night.
Love is being there the next morning.
Love is elusive; but when caught, love never goes away
Love is confusing, but love brings understanding.
Love is looking into eyes and trembling inside.
Love is a living thing. It needs care and attention to make it grow.
Love is being there every day and every night.
Love is a flame that burns eternally.

I guess it is kind of sappy and hokey now that I see it written out again. I still think it holds true though. Love doesn’t change, the way we see it and feel it does however. Young love is full of passion, lust and energy. It is though long walks, those stolen moments of love when you are next to that certain person. Older love becomes more pragmatic and practical. It is just as strong, but you’re there for when things go wrong more, just because more can go wrong when you’re older.

I will leave you tonight with this last short verse. everyone has the capacity to love. It’s whether or not we believe in ourselves and allow ourselves to feel. That in turn, runs the risk of being hurt, but you can’t never love if you don’t try.

If you can breathe you can love.
If you can love you can give.
If you can give you can live.
If you can live you can love.


Take care all. I will be posting again soon.

Take care


Another day in Purgatory

I’m here at work today and as usual my mind and heart are not into it. My cubicle feels like it’s closing in on me. I’m not using the word prison just because there are people in cages now and I know what I’m going through is nothing compared to that. I’m in a sludge of a job. It pays well, so I can’t complain about that. The work swings from mind numbingly boring to banging your head against the wall frustrating. Lately I’ve had this feeling of running away. Dropping it all and starting over. I guess a lot of people my age feel that way. I have no intention of doing it, but the thought pops in my head occasionally.

I’ve noticed that older I get, the less tolerant I am towards the status quo. I’m not becoming more conservative as I get older, but more radical. Well these days radical means you believe in healthcare for all, women’s rights, fair and just treatment of immigrants, free college and basically anything a civilized society can agree upon. In today’s America, that’s radical.

Anyway, this was just a few thoughts floating around my head. I’m trying to be better about posting.

Take care!

Another Day, Another Embarrassing Tweet

Well it looks like Trump has put his foot firmly in the middle of the mud and slime that is racism. I just keep getting amazed at the shit he says and is allowed to say by his own party. I do need to clarify, I know the Republican Party is full of racist assholes. This goes for the herd that follows Trump to the Republican Leadership. What I mean is there is no word as of yet from Republicans in response to racist rant he had on Twitter Sunday night. The silence says so much at this point. This meathead cannot just go out and say he represents this country. Yes there are racists that are his base. It is those and the Hillary haters that got this idiot elected in the first place. The anger these Republicans must feel towards minorities has to be overwhelming. Their insecurity that the country might not be as white as it once was is sickening. I just hope we can get this fool out of office at the next election.

Poem

Circling above wishing I could truly break free,
Visioning what life would have been for you and me.
Sweeping around like the eagle searching for the dawn,
I twist and turn yearning for some sense to be drawn
From the randomness that every new day brings.

I'm drawn to your heart like a moth to the flame
Heart pounding, hands shaking at the sound of your name.
My nights are too cold and the days are too long,
But still I try to fill in the void that comes along
Knowing I'll never see you again.



Sunday Night Blahs

Good evening everyone. I hope everyone had a great weekend and a relaxing Sunday night. I’m just chilling and watching a little YouTube. This weekend was pretty relaxing. Saturday bummed around and played video games. (Review coming shortly). Today went and saw Spiderman: Far from Home. I will say if you can get past the first 40 minutes, the movie definitely picks up. Jake Gyllenhaal was excellent as Mysterio. I won’t go into much, the movie hasn’t been out that long and I don’t want to spoil it.

So with Sunday Evening comes anxiety. I hate Sunday nights. I dread going to work. I know we all do, but it’s just getting worse the older I get. The thought of 25 more years of this is too depressing for words. I’ll put on my big boy pants tonight and get over it. Just was on my mind. Needed to get it out.

Well that’s all I have tonight. Not much to say. I’m trying to be better at posting. Hopefully you will be seeing more content!

Take care

FALLOUT 76: Well It’s a Video Game

Hello all! I hope everyone is doing well today. I am jumping in a bit late to this party, but I wanted to give my review of Fallout 76. I have my reasons for being so late with this as I will explain later. Fallout 76 is an open world “action” game from Bethesda Game Studios. I put action in parenthesis because, action is a very, very loose definition of what I experienced while playing. I also must note I am playing a newer version of the game. I intentionally waited for a reasonably priced used version was available. I was not going to pay full price for this and my reasons will be below.

Before I go into my experience with the game, I think I need to put in a little background about the game just in case you do not know the cluster-fuck history of this title. The game released in November 2018 to a fan base that was excited about having a new Fallout, but quickly because frustrated and angry when it was announced that the game would be online only and no solo campaign. Traditionally, the Fallout series, focuses on an individual campaign where you interact with NPCs (Non-player Characters) and follow a detailed and fun storyline. The scenario is this is post nuclear war America. This particular game takes place before the other games in the series. The world has been devastated by war. It is a mish-mash of a future technology world, mixed with mid-50’s America culture wise. It is an individual experience that the player can immersive themselves into. That is all taken away when you are forced to play online with other players. Now this in itself, really isn’t the end all of the game itself. Online play is popular with a lot of gamers. It can be fun and a way for friends to get together and share an experience online. Primarily however, these are done with shooters such as Overwatch. The question is why? Why take a traditionally offline game and make it a multiplayer online game? Well the answer is simple. Money. Online games can me monetized easily and it requires the player to spend so much time in their world and that time can be monetized with shops and such that the player can spend real world money to buy in-game money to buy in game items.

There are so many other incidences with Bethesda in this game. I would actually recommend going on line and checking out’s Jim Sterling’s comprehensive “post-mortem” as he call it. It really hits the nail on the head with what is wrong with the game and how bad Bethesda has screwed the pooch with this release. Please check him out on YouTube.

Now on to my personal experience. I played the XBOX ONE version. I found a used copy and finally decided that it was time for me to check it out after so much bad press and reviews this game has received. I wanted to see for myself just how bad this game is. I downloaded and first booted up the game about 3 weeks ago. I played 5 separate times over the weeks and played a few hours on each outing. I needed to really see what would happen and I wanted to give the game a fair shake. My very first game play experience was not good. I was kicked off the servers about 5 times in about 3 hours. I was lucky and I did not lose my advancements. That has been the exception and not the rule with other players based of video reviews I have seen. The game is lacking in a lot of ways. As of now, there are no NPCs. The only interaction is with other players online. There are quests, but they are lackluster at best. The combat is horrible. Traditionally there is a VATS system that allows you to focuses on certain areas on enemies to be able to maim or kill them. In other versions of the game, this was handled by pausing the game and you set up your VATS attached. Since this game is online only, there is no pause so they revamped it so that it tells you the percentage chance of you getting a hit on an enemy. Well that’s all well and good, but the enemies dart sideways very fast. Your percentage to hit can go from 95% to almost zero in a matter of seconds. It makes the combat very frustrating. The game has an unfinished feel to it. According to Bethesda there is a timetable of future releases and updates that will allow actual interactive game play. I think it might be too little too late. Overall, I can’t say I had fun. I was working the quest and leveling up my character, but I honestly cannot say it was a fun time. I will revisit this in the fall once the new update is released and we will see if it has anything to actually offer.

Take care!

ASMR-A Journey into Weirdness Pt. 1

Today I’d like to talk about a phenomenon that I have been seeing on the internet, specifically YouTube for quite a long time. ASMR or Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. Per Google, ASMR is: a feeling of well-being combined with a tingling sensation in the scalp and down the back of the neck, as experienced by some people in response to a specific gentle stimulus, often a particular sound. The term was first coined back in 2010 by Jennifer Allen. Jennifer is listed, per an interview on www.asmruniversity.com, as a large ASMR contributor and works for a cyber security company. ASMR has grown into a multi-million dollar industry for the ASMR artists who provide the content on You Tube.

My introduction to this world was quite random. I couldn’t sleep one night, as happens occasionally, and I was trying to find something to help me unwind. Reading wasn’t working, listening to music wasn’t working (at that time) and I was desperate to find something. I typed in sleeping in to the YouTube Search Engine and most of it was relaxing music and such. One thing that caught my eye was a video for “ASMR Triggers to Help You Sleep” by ASMR DARLING. I clicked on it and you see this young woman who is whispering and looking direct into a camera focused on her face. The whole time she is whispering to her audience. This particular video is 4 hours long and involves “triggers” as they are called in the ASMR community to help you sleep. This involves her tapping various objects, whispering into the camera and brushing the microphone with a giant powder brush and other various items. All the time she is whispering. I will admit is very relaxing. It didn’t help me sleep, but it did peak my curiosity. I went back to that same video as I was writing this article and I saw that the video itself had been view over 23 million times. She also has 2.3 million subscribers. Now this of course lead me to the question, how much money can be made by doing these videos? Well, per www.youtubers.me, she is worth an estimated $79.8K-$1.03 million. Now that is a very wide spectrum. I would tend to think with advertisers and such, she might be closer to the $1 million mark. That’s not bad scratch for whispering in front of a camera.

Now, the real question, does it work? Well that is totally up to the individual viewing the videos. Me personally, find everything very distracting. the hand motions, the tapping, and the whispering do not do it for me. If it works for you, that is great. I find that some relaxing music usually does the trick these days. I will diving deeper into different aspects of ASMR in the future. It is really interesting when you dive down into it. It is a big money business that has a surprising variety of people with different techniques.

Well that is all for now. I will be back soon with some new content.

Thanks! Sleep well!

Worthwhile Endeavours

Earlier today I tweeted that phrase in reference to how my job is the total opposite of a worthwhile endeavour. It got me thinking. What exactly would be an endeavour that would give me some sort of purpose and some sense of well being. Is there any one pursuit that can give a person the happiness and peace of mind we all crave? Personally, for me, I know that this feeling cannot come from a 9 to 5 job. There is no passion, no fulfillment from staring at a computer screen 8 hours a day doing some mindless repetitive job. Life is too short. Our minds and hearts should be filled with the wonder of the world. Learning, feeling, touching, tasting everything our world has to offer. I know this is a very idealistic view of life, but ideals is what it is all about. Living life, making things better than you left them. Helping each other get through life. We need to pull together and not push apart. I understand the realities of the world. You need food, shelter, money, security and all the trappings that come from modern life. We can’t all just quit our jobs and pursue our dreams. That is the real shame of it all. We can’t. We all have our own lives and with that life comes responsibility. That word responsibility is a heavy one. It comes in all forms: Spouses, children, mortgage, rent, your job. If you have any or a combination of these, you know that there is a toll that has to be paid to make these things work.

I’ve come the long way around to say I have no clue for me what a worthwhile endeavour would be. I know it has to be something that fills my heart and provides a passion to make me keep pushing forward. I am hoping it will come eventually. Life can’t always just be work and paying bills. There has to be something pushing and driving you to do something good and positive. You have to feel like it’s worth getting up in the morning. I guess that’s part of the reason I started this blog back up. Maybe by typing all this stuff out, something will click inside. I hope if you haven’t found it yet, you will very soon.

Take care

Horror Movie Review: Crucible of Horror

Good afternoon all! I hope everyone if doing great on this Saturday. As promised, I am going to start my review of the horror movies on the DVD set I mentioned in a previous post. I have a feeling this is going to be painful, very painful, but I shall push on. I do want to mention, I will be relying a lot on IMDB.com for the film information. Actors, director, ECT. I want to give credit where it is due. I have a lot of useless information in my brain, but all of these specifics for these movies are not part of it.

I started this slide into Oblivion with a 1971 British horror movie, Crucible of Horror. It was directed by Viktors Ritelis. He directed several TV series for Australian television and a few other movies. It was written by Olaf Pooley, who is a character actor and someone with a name that is hilariously fun to say. It stars Michael Gough. Most of you will know him as Alfred from the Batman movie of 1989. It also stars Yvonne Mitchell and Sharon Gurney. The cast is good and work decently with the script they have. The basic story is that Gough plays the cruel patriarch of this typical middle-class family in England. Gough’s character has total control of this family and keeps the women of the family in fear of his next move. There is a son, played by Rupert Eastwood, who also shares in his father’s joy of controlling the family. The women of the family grow tired of his strictness and abuse and decide that something must be done. He must die.

Now, I want to go into a little detail on how I watch these movies and what I look for. I have a great love of bad films. There is nothing better than watching a movie and seeing no craft, no competence and bad acting. Now having said that, all of these things have to be unintentional. It quits being funny when all these things are on purpose. (For example The Sharknado series). There has to be a true attempt on all parts and when that attempt fails, that is where the humor is. This can come from the director not knowing what he or she is doing, having no budget, having c-rate actors and even worse writers. Their vision of their film is way bigger than their means to produce it. Those are the gems.

Now another kind of bad movie, is the boring bad movie. We have all seen those. There is nothing noteworthy or fun about it. Too much exposition with nothing ever happening. Crucible of Horror walks this line throughout its hour and thirty one minute run time. It is a slow paced movie. It is typical of the British Horror movies that I have seen before. No gore, no real disturbing scenes. There is an intensity though that you can see through the low budget. Gough is really great and the evil patriarch. He has a quiet evil that you can see in his eyes, not just his actions. There are a lot of time killers in this film. Scenes of driving, slow camera pans and atmosphere shots. Some work as far as building the tension, but some are just there to fill out the movie to a feature length. Overall, the story is good and the acting is fine. I won’t give away the ending, but I will say it is a bit confusing. If you are looking for any time of gore or jump scares, you will not find those here. It just methodically tells a story with some odd camera work near the end. Lighting effects and some quick cuts to make you wonder what the hell is going on. If I were to rate it and I suppose I need to have a rating system for these reviews, I would give it 5 stars out of 10? I will come up with something more creative than stars. That is just boring really.

Well this is my first review! there will be more shortly. I will dive into music and video games as well. Let me know what you think! Take care!