Good evening all! It has been a bit since I have posted, but I have been out of town and just got back late last night. As the title says, it was for a wedding that my wife and I took off to Wisconsin. This was our great grand niece on my wife’s side getting married to her true love. This is the first time in a very long time that I have actually seen two people truly in love.
The wedding was outside on the most perfect summer afternoon I have ever seen. There were flowers everywhere and you could catch their scent whenever the wind shifted. The bride was beautiful. The groom actually cried as she came down the aisle. They both were so filled with joy and I hope for all the happiness in the world for them for their future. The whole weekend got me to thinking about lots of things. I was in a bit of a reflective mood. I think about these two kids, just starting out and the whole world is theirs for the taking. I have to admit I am envious of it.
I mean who hasn’t wanted a do-over every now and then. I am talking about little and big decisions. What if I had finished college? What if I had kissed that one special young woman back in the past? What if I took more chances? I know I have twisted this from a beautiful love story into a selfish reflection about me. I think when you see the future in those young lovers, you can’t help but place yourself there. To travel back in time in your mind and rewrite history, ever so subtlety or maybe even do a total rewrite with a new script and new players. I saw these kids at the wedding reception, so full of happiness and love. They were dancing and acting crazy with their friends and just living in that moment. They are young and they know the world is theirs. I wanted to feed on that energy, that hope, that wreck less abandon they felt. Alas, time has made me more cynical and cold than any person should ever be.
I think that is why part of the reason I started this blog, to explore and to find that person of my youth. Laughing and singing and just waiting for the next moment. I can emote better here than I can in person. Over the years, I have trained myself to hold back, to cut myself off from people in my life. Part of it is the nature of how I grew up, but I can’t blame it strictly on that. It is a conditioning I have embraced. Various things from my past, that are my fault, have made me build this wall. I a trying to tear it down, but it is hard to do. Seeing two people in love, which such a promising future exposed the fractures in my façade. I truly wish them every bit of happiness the world has to give, but there is a little tint of green in these words.
Have a great evening!
Mid-Life Crisis Task Force 