Good evening all! I hope everyone is doing well. I know it has been a while since my last post. My hiatus has been more about laziness and my lack direction. Lately I can’t seem to muster up enough concentration for more than 5 minutes at a time on anything. About the only thing lately I have spending any lengthy amount of time on is video games I think that is because I can just do that without any real focus, just plug and play so to speak.
I have been thinking a lot about what I want to say, what I want this blog to represent. Do I want it to be another pop culture source? Snarky reviews of bad movies, music I like or television? Do I want it to be a place to showcase my writing as far as my poetry goes or maybe the occasional short story? Do I want it to be political or just an observer’s view of the world around me. I have read a few articles concerning blogs and they state that you need to be focusing on a subject, some sort of goal to work towards. I suppose that is true. I have been reading a lot of blog posts and there are some fine writers that just write about everything. I really envy just having the drive to do this every day. I know very few people read my posts and that is fine. I am not looking to make money from this or to have any recognition. It is meant to be a therapy for me. My depression has been a strong influencer in my life for the past 20 plus years. I am not making an excuse, but it is there. I can’t hide from it. Some days are worse than others. Lately it has been worse than normal. There is something inside of me holding back and making me not write like I want. I have discussed that before with my music in previous posts. It’s making myself do this and once I start writing, I do tend to find I can ramble on for quite a while.
I have these brief moments of creativity during the day. I think of a subject that would make a good blog post, but yet I don’t write about it later. I shrug it off at times and just blame it on being tired after a long work day. Nothing kills creativity and the willingness to write for me than real life. I have really guided myself into thinking these pursuits are not worth it. It brings no monetary value, then why do it? That is with anything. A mortgage, light bill, water bill, credit cards, etc…these things have killed the creative person in me. It’s probably more likely that I have killed that person slowly over the years. I am trying to plant those seeds again. It is hard some days. I am working on fighting my depression. I am working on just trying to find myself again after all these years. The focus is hard to come by. The concentration is harder to find, but I am working on it. I know I will never be some great writer, but I do want my voice out there. I suppose it’s vanity, some of it is my small portion of immortality, maybe it just the only way I can be myself.
So be patient with me and I will do my best to get out here and write more. It will come, but I am sure it will be slow and it will be all over the place. Now with that I need to go chase some butterflies.
It seems like that is the case as of late. Angry at things I cannot control. Angry at the state of the world. Angry at the state of my life. Angry that time passes way too quickly with no regards to anyone. Seething anger that sometimes has no reason or rhyme. Maybe it is part of getting older. Less patience, less tolerance. I don’t know. I do know that the older I become the more I see the uselessness of most things. The day-to-day minutia at work. It feels so pointless anymore. When I was younger I did my job, tried hard and tried to work my way up. Two lay-offs later and too many articles read about how corporations have people by the short and curlies, I have come to the conclusion that it all just doesn’t matter. All of this bullshit we go through, just to get by, it is frustrating. It all feels to meaningless. Shuffle paper, make duplicates, work overtime to impress a boss, it is a waste. This is what life has become and it has become that way because we desire things. I am as guilty of that as anyone. 2000 CDs later and 3 video game consoles can prove that. Life shouldn’t be about working until you are too old to enjoy what time we have on this planet. Life should be about learning and exploring the world around us. We should be able to do without these distractions that we have become so dependent on. All we need are the basic necessities to get by, but our economy is so fucking dependent on us consuming things, that it has been forced down our throats that we NEED to have things. We NEED to keep up with everyone else. We have become slaves to gadgets and gizmos that provide only a veneer of necessity. We are sheep when it comes to the latest iPhone or iWhatever. We are led by the Shepard of Consumption. We blindly follow as we sip our lattes and wander through the fields of merchandise and hope that we are not left behind. We are a consumer based economy that has tied itself to the idea that we must work harder, make more money, buy more stuff and repeat. We are now defined by our career and what we own, instead of who we are. That makes me the angriest of all.
On a different tangent, but something that also makes me angry, is this age of political correctness and lack of common sense that plagues this world. People have lost the ability to use their judgment to make decisions. Although I will admit there is a reasoning behind this. Our society has become so litigious that we have to debate on whether to save someone’s life if they are drowning, just because they might sue us if they get hurt in the process. We have become a society of “lawyers, guns and money” to quote the late-great Warren Zevon. It is not a good thing. We can’t laugh at ourselves or anyone else because they might get their feelings hurt. Get over it. Your culture and my culture and everyone else’s culture has done some pretty stupid things. Learn to admit it and laugh at it. One particular thing I want to vent about is the school system in this country. Specifically, their “Zero Tolerance” policies. Kids that are being bullied are being suspended from school for standing up for themselves. Hell I read an article where one kid was suspended just for being bullied. School are so scared of ignorant parents that are sue-crazy that these Zero Tolerance policies are running rampant. They rather not deal with a subject like bullying and just sweep it under the rug by blaming everyone involved and not the little bastards that are doing the actual bullying. I was always told, I better not ever start a fight, but if I am picked on, I damned well better finish it. That is how you deal with a bully, you stand up to one. School districts AND parents need to get together and come up with a better plan that zero tolerance. Common sense needs to be the ruling hand in these cases and not fear of a lawsuit. Also, parents need to get off their asses and do some actual parenting. Teach your kids that you do not need to pick on someone to make yourself feel good. Teach them right and wrong. Don’t depend on some TV show to show them morals, do it yourself. Also, punish them if they break these rules. Everyone needs to learn wrong from right in this situation.
I feel if we do not change as a society, we will become working slaves to our corporate masters. We will be so caught up in working and buying that we do not do any actual living. We are becoming colder as a nation. We are being fooled by a corporate sideshow that promises happiness disguised as a home we cannot afford or as a car we don’t need. Given the state of the economy and the dim view that the future holds, I don’t see any of it changing. We owe it to the next generation to try and start changing the attitude about what life consists of. It shouldn’t be a day to day rat race that never ends, but it should be something that is fun and that brings us together as a people. We do not need to be shackled by our work just to try and makes ends meet. We need to stand up for the things we believe in and make things better for future generations. Maybe this is just crazy hippy talk left over from a by gone age. I just believe we were not put on the world to work 40-60 hours a week just to be able to buy a new car and take a crappy vacation now and then and to make some shareholders richer. We have a purpose, we just need to be able to live within our means and be able to work towards that purpose. We need to use the common sense we have and try and work towards that change.
Thanks for reading,