Hello all! We made it to another weekend. I’m sure we all have had a crazy week. Work really drains me mentally. It was one of the reasons I almost didn’t start this blog back up. Maybe it’s more of an excuse instead of a reason. Part of me feels like I have nothing to add to the discussion out here online. My mind the last several years has been drawn away from my creative side. My mind has been filled mostly with all my responsibilities and the self doubt they create. I’m not meaning to whine or provoke sympathy for myself, just stating a fact. I find myself reaching out for something, but I honestly don’t know what it is. I’ve wasted so much time not living or enjoying life. I draw myself up into this tight ball with no outlet for my frustrations or even my happiness. I do believe life is what you make it, but knowing how to make it into something meaningful is the whole problem, isn’t it? It’s not just work, it’s the whole idea that maybe I’m at the crest of my life’s wave and maybe it just goes down hill from here. I think starting this back up is a good thing. I know I’m not the most clever writer and I cannot constantly come up with snarky and super observant content, but I can provide honesty and some occasional humor. Stripping down the facade of illusion is what this is about.
Tonight finds me reflective and somewhat melancholy. Not in a depressive way and not in a self deprecating way either. I just feel a little empty and wanting tonight. Maybe it’s the time of year. I have always had a tendency to get moody when the weather changes. Maybe it’s 48 year old me wishing he was 21 again. I have been thinking a lot about my past and the people I have known recently. It’s all jumbled up like the pieces of a jig saw puzzle, but I have no guiding picture to put the pieces together. Maybe we are not meant to. Your past is just that, the past. Time can’t be reversed and you can only sit back and watch the past. The present and future are what matters in the end. The past makes us what we are now for better or worse. However, it’s not the whole picture. Tomorrow is always uncertain and it will eventually add one more piece of the puzzle to it all.
Honestly I’m not as sad as this post might sound. I’m just reflective and needed to get some of this out. Writing is easier for me than talking these days. It’s very calming and it has a way of making ideas and feelings click in my head.
I hope I didn’t bring anyone down. It certainly was not my intent. I just needed to get these words down.
Take care!
Mid-Life Crisis Task Force 