Hello all. I hope everyone is doing well tonight. Feeling a little reflective, tired, mad and frustrated. What’s started me down this path of fractured glass and shaky emotions? Well I guess it’s because I am 49, living in the Midwest and just not sure where I am going or where I have been. Now I know you’re thinking, “here he goes again wah-wah-wah my life is horrible. That’s not the case. I know I have it pretty good and I am very lucky in a lot of ways. I make a decent living, I do not have to scrounge for my next meal, I have a warm bed at night and I have more friends than enemies. Many people cannot say that.
Where to begin? I suppose I need to start at the focal point of my anger and frustration: my job. I am sure most of you, if not all are in jobs you hate and my issues are no different than your day to day struggles. You would be correct. I am just adding my voice to the choir. Nothing really new except my concept of work is changing. I suppose you could say I am becoming more of a socialist the older I get. I see everyone working their collective asses off and it’s only to the benefit of the select few. Plus what I do is pointless. I am part of the machine. A drone just being directed around to shuffle paper and to wait for my check every two weeks. It is a soulless existence. We all spend more time at work every week than we do with our families. It draws out our strength. It’s the salt and we are the slug. There is nothing left to me on Friday but a husk that already dreads Monday morning. I know that there are more back breaking job and people are working 2 or 3 or even 4 jobs to just trying to break even. That’s not a life either. I am sure this is a self defeating attitude and I am sure a lot of it can be blamed on my depression. That is always the iron weight pulling me down into the water. We were meant for more than this. People are meant to create, learn, live, explore and enjoy life. If I sound lazy, yes I admit I am. I hate working. I hate that I have to work. I make no secret of it. I don’t know maybe I am just a rambling old man. I just wish things were different, but I am sure you all do as well.
Enough of that self pity party. I just needed to get he words out. I am actually less poisonous and angry now that I re-read this. I mean I didn’t even use the phrase “those fuckers” when I talked about work. Maybe I am mellowing out some as I sit here and type and sip my tea. So this is a short post tonight. I needed to get some words out and to make myself post. I am trying to make it a habit, not a daily one, not yet at least.
I hope everyone has a nice evening and hang in there. Things will have to get better eventually!